Tuesday, September 07, 2004

Weekend roundup

Saddle up, pardners, and fire up that theme to Bonanza that's languishing in your iTunes -- it's time for Karo's Labor Day Weekend Roundup!

First, the interview. Wow, did I ever learn quickly that I do not want to be an assistant to a corporate real estate broker. They wanted me to come back to take a Microsoft Office test (*sigh*), but I opted not to go. I might as well have stuck with the Workplace That Shall Not Be Mentioned were I to work there.

Saturday's highlight was dragging BK to the store and convincing him to buy some new clothes. ("But I HAVE perfectly good clothes.") He refused to buy jeans at The Gap because they weren't electric blue Levi's and therefore were too trendy. ("I'm not in college. I am a LAWYER.") Still, new clothes were bought and the heavens did open up and the angels sang.

Saturday we also watched Shaolin Soccer. I don't know about you people, but I just wasn't buying it. Kung Fu? Soccer? IT'S ALL JUST TOO CRAZY! We also forgot to turn off the B speakers out by the pool, so we inadvertently shared the entire film's worth of delightful Chinese-language dialogue with our neighborhood. Oopsie!

Another one of Saturday's highlights was catching "Atlantic City Hookers: It Ain't E-Z Being a Ho" on HBO. I recommend anyone with HBO to check their local listings, as it was truly an eye-opening experience. After watching, we decided to cruise up and down Harry Hines and use our new knowledge to spot hos. We saw some ladies in a strip club parking lot that looked suspect -- it's really the bootie shorts that tip you off. I'm really hoping that Ho Spotting becomes America's New National Past-time and I'm able to somehow cash in.

Sunday the Plano Fletchers dragged us to a friend's Labor Day party in the heart of Plano. Dear God in Heaven, it was horrifying. I have never seen so many Thomas Kinkades in one house. All lovingly framed and displayed as though they were precious works of art and not hideous, mass-produced pieces of shit available for purchase on all major cruise lines. It's a good thing I didn't have a gun with me that night, because I really think I might have shot myself in head from the despair this house caused me. The Bush-Cheney sign prominently displayed in the window! The ivy-patterned wallpaper! The oak entertainment unit bigger than an elephant! THE KNICK-KNACKS!!! Dear God, the knick-knacks!

I really think this weekend might have doubled the size of my file on Why People Suck. At least 2 inches of paperwork are devoted to People Who Bring Toddlers to Inappropriate Adult Movies. For instance, last night we capped off the weekend by going to see Hero. Now, in case you are not familiar with the movie, it's a Hong Kong martial arts feature that is IN CHINESE. With subtitles, people. Yet, sure enough, the people behind us had brought their 3- and 5-year-olds, who were understandably bored out of their tiny little skulls and amused themselves throughout the film by attempting to speak Chinese back to the screen. Now, if there is one thing I have learned about People Who Bring Toddlers to Inappropriate Adult Movies, it is that they are almost always also People Who Make No Effort to Control Their Children in Public, so mom and pop relaxed and enjoyed the movie while the two kids brushed up on their Chinese with Jet Li.

Every time I turned on the tv this weekend I turned into a gloppy, mascara'ed mess. I don't even have the words to describe the horror of the Russian school disaster. Honestly.

What the fuck is wrong with people?!?!


Blogger Twink said...

Okay, so when I saw Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, there was this annoying 8 year old kid behind me who did not speak English. He talked loudly the whole time in his native tongue. Unfortunately, his native tongue is also MY native tongue, so I could understand all of his comments. "Is that a naughty tree?" "Why is there a naughty tree?" "Why is there no one in that room?" "Is he a bad man?"

September 7, 2004 at 11:33 AM  

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