With a taste of poison paradise

Saturday afternoon I spent a couple hours wrapping all the gifties BK and I will be taking to Toronto at the end of the week (assuming our trip is not cancelled as a result of the Stanimal's wife having bronchitis, but let's leave that for another post). One of the items I wrapped was a box of fancy chocolates. Once I finished, I packed everything into a large Samsonite duffel bag I'll be checking, and then left the Samsonite sitting on the dining room floor, partially zipped up.

Big mistake.

We left the house at 6:30 and got back at 11:00. At 11:01 we realized that Buster had gotten into the duffel back, gnawed on some other boxes until he got to the chocolates, which he then brought over to his dog bed (which some of you may call "the couch"). Buster then apparently chewed off all the Christmas wrapping, gnawed through the cellophane wrapping, savaged open the box, and ate all 12.2 ounces of delicious chocolate truffles.

BAD DOG! VERY BAD DOG!

So I call the emergency vet clinic, and they ask me how many ounces he ate. I say 12. They ask if it was dark or milk chocolate. Out of six chocolate types, four were dark chocolate, so 2/3 dark, or eight ounces (the box top had luckily escaped the jaws of terror). Only not eight ounces of chocolate, but eight ounces of chocolates with creamy fillings. After much chocolate math, we decided that since Buster didn't seem any worse for the wear, we would opt out of spending $600 to put him on an IV drip for 24 hours.

That night, every time one of us would get up to pee, we'd shuffle into his room, turn on the light, and peer into his crate to ascertain if he was still alive. Every time the answer would be yes, so we'd shuffle back to bed with the victorious knowledge that we had not killed our dog with a loving combination of frugality and inertia.

However.

The dog was completely apeshit yesterday. It was harmless bouncing off the walls until he actually attempted to MAUL Joshua Wanat. There was very scary real barking and biting and oh it was just awful. Joshua Wanat now has a SCRATCHED EYEBALL and puffs up to cougar size when Buster get near him. Buster, on the other hand, has been banished to his crate for the day, where he will hopefully work on a) Thinking About What He Has Done and b) digesting the remaining sugar and caffeine.

BK, however, is bidding on an electroshock collar on eBay. Buster doesn't know it yet, but the times, they are a-changing.