Thursday, January 06, 2005

The Mysterious Affair at Mississauga

A few posts back I made a somewhat cryptic reference to my father having fallen in with a Polish neo-Nazi cult in Toronto. Because I know you've been hanging off the edge of your ergonomically correct office chair since then, here's the poop:

(Background info you need to know is that once upon a time my mother shared with me that my stepmother -- an old family friend -- is an anti-Semite. So that's something I've had stored away in my little acorn brain for years.)

Here are Four Clues:

1. The second day BK and I are in Toronto, everyone's eating breakfast and conversation turns to Iraq. During this conversation my father and stepmother start talking about The Jews. Things walk a fine line for a few minutes -- nothing negative is said, but lots of "they run the world's banks and the entertainment industry"-type comments are made. My body is all tensed up and I'm ready to pull the trigger the second one of them steps over the line, but thankfully conversation soon turns to other things (most likely the weather or the price of gas, the Stanimal's two favorite topics).

2. Later that day my father shows me and BK a 9-11 DVD he's borrowed from some friend. It's a "documentary" called In Plane Sight, and he's really excited that we watch it. We get through about 1/2 of it and we just can't stomach it any more -- it was chock full of ridiculous conspiracy theories, and I couldn't find a single reputable online source that so much as referenced it.

3. The friends from whom my dad had borrowed the DVD were vacationing in Cuba over the holidays, so after we watched it, we went with my dad to water plants at their home. So we get there, and BK and I just kind of stand around uncomfortably as my dad overwaters plants. As we stood around, we spied numerous other conspiracy DVDs, as well as more Hitler biographies than you could shake a stick at.

4. A few days later, my dad and stepmother take us to the home of another couple. In the time we were there, we learned:
a) There is no way those planes were hijacked.

b) "I told my son that if he ever brought home a colored girl I would shoot them both in the doorway." (followed by uproarious laughter)

c) The world is being run by a small, shadowy group of people whose goal is to create Zion throughout the entire Middle East.

d) The Masons are one of the arms of this group, and both of the candidates in this year's American presidential election were Masons because they were both in Skull and Bones at Yale, and everyone knows that's the Masons.

e) Homosexuals should not be allowed to get married or adopt children.
Um ... yeah.

Completely unrelated factoid of the day: Miscarriages can cause acne. REALLY REALLY REALLY BAD ACNE. My face has looked like a nuclear testing zone for weeks now, and I'm REALLY FUCKING SICK OF IT.

Word of the day, followed by synonyms I enjoy: TETCHY: Peevish; testy: “As a critic gets older, he or she usually grows more tetchy and limited in responses” (James Wolcott). [syn: cranky, fractious, irritable, nettlesome, peevish, peckish, pettish, petulant, testy]


Post a Comment

<< Home