Friday, January 28, 2005

Someone threw it away!

From: [redacted] BK
Sent: Friday, January 28, 2005 11:14 AM
To: Dallas Users
Subject: The Case of the Missing Muffin

On January 28, at approximately 7:25 A.M. I purchased a Very Blueberry Muffin at Starbucks, located in the lower level of Renaissance Tower.  At approximately 7:30 A.M., I arrived in the kitchen in our office.  In the process of making my coffee, I set my muffin aside.  At approximately 7:35 A.M., I left the kitchen and walked to my office, forgetting to take my muffin with me.  I soon became involved with work and did not remember that I had bought a muffin until approximately 10:55 A.M., when I realized I was hungry.  After a brief head-scratching (why am I so hungry?  Didn't I have breakfast?  Oh, right.  I bought a muffin.  Didn't I eat it?  Oh, right.  I left it in the kitchen), I returned to the kitchen.  THE MUFFIN WAS GONE.  After another brief head-scratching (did I leave it somewhere else? Maybe I ate it and forgot?), I asked passers-by whether they had seen an abandoned muffin in the kitchen that morning.  The muffin's earlier abandoned presence was confirmed.  I can only conclude that someone has taken my muffin, hopefully just for safekeeping.

If you have my muffin, please let me know and I will fetch it.  If you have taken it and eaten it, please feel a little guilty (but only a little, as it probably appeared abandoned).


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Listen! I represent a small non-baked goods faction. We respect your business but not the bakery that it serves. At this time we have your muffin. It is safe and unharmed, and if you want to see your muffin again, you must follow our instructions to the letter. You will withdraw 25 DVD porn from the discount bin at New Fine Arts West. 10 will be Girl/Girl. 10 will be Guy/Girl. And the remaining 5 will be "Japanese Fetish." When you get home you will put the DVD porn in a brown paper bag. I will call you between 10 and 1 a.m. tonight to instruct you on delivery. The delivery will be exhausting so I advise you to be well rested. Any deviation of my instructions will result in the immediate consumption of your blueberry muffin. The forty-six gentlemen watching over your muffin do not particularly like you so I advise you not to provoke them. Speaking to anyone about your situation will result in your muffin being eaten. If the DVD porn is in anyway marked or tampered with, the muffin will be eaten. You can try to deceive us, but be warned we are familiar with discount DVD porn. Follow our instructions and you stand a 100% chance of getting your muffin.

- Band Of The Pans

January 28, 2005 at 2:42 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Damn, no muffin's that delicious. Is it? It better at least be real blueberries..

January 29, 2005 at 10:41 AM  

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