Wednesday, October 27, 2004

A word of advice

Some of you surfers of the World Wide Web may, at one point or another, get the urge to go back and read 5-year-old emails in which you and someone who is not your current spouse exchange views on topics such as politics, movies, and the weather.

As someone who has just satisfied that urge, allow me to be the first to tell you that if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, you should just put down the mouse and step. away. from. the. computer. The reason for this is that, invariably, these emails will discuss more than politics and weather. They will also discuss Feelings. And as I have recently discovered, 5-year-old Feelings are best left undisturbed, saved to the data storage medium of your choice and left waiting for the amusement of your grandchildren, who will no doubt be reading them wearing silver-colored, one-piece bodysuits.

Can I just say that I have such a case of the icks right now? And to those of you wise people who told me not to do it, you were right. There, I said it. I vow to always heed your advice on all matters relating to old boyfriend emails.

Since I have already established a tone of insufferable fussiness and since my husband is no doubt applying himself dilegently to some brief or another since he's not yet home and since I'm hungry and as all who know me can recite along with me, A HUNGRY POLE IS AN ANGRY POLE, allow me the pleasure of further bitching:
  • This morning on the way to work the guy in the Suburban in front of me realized at the last minute that he was about to miss his exit, cut over two lanes at the last second and PLOWED THROUGH some of those orange construction barrels that were marking off the exit. WHAT IS WRONG WITH DALLAS DRIVERS?!?! This did not happen in DC!
  • Those fuckers at Apple STILL have not shipped my new work iMac. I guess they've been too busy coming up with the prototype for the goddamn iPod sock. What the hell people? Do I really need a branded sock in which to transport my iPod???
  • My husband wants to have a baby Real Bad and I'm not sure if I'm ready to devote my life to another human being yet.
  • There's nothing to eat in the house (unless you count the calorie content in the copious amounts of hard liquor) and yet I am somehow unable to motivate myself to go to Albertson's. I mean, I know it's my store and all. But I don't really want it.
  • It was raining when I got home so I just stood outside for a few minutes with Buster on the leash while he piddled in the front yard and kept pitifully straining in the direction of our usual walk. Worst dog owner EVER.

Update: According the Apple web site, my computer has officially left Shanghai. Any iMac ire will now be directed towards those fuckers at FedEx (who LOST the first iBook shipped to me last year, let's not forget), or those fuckers at the university tagging place, who get to pee all over all new computers to mark them as Official State Property.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Twink here. Okay, see, I just watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. And you know how folks are all, "Oh, I'd NEVER erase these memories, blah blah blah"... you know? And I'm like, "HELLS YEAH, I would delete YOU and YOU and YOU and monkey faced YOU!" Because the good memories were never that good, and the bad ones really sucked. So, into the can with monkey faced YOU (MFY). So it is never a good idea to go back into the email vault of monkey faced ex boyfriends. Never, never, never. Unless you want to be really pissed off in order to get in the right mood for some angry, Alanis esque song rantings about movie theater BJs. Which isn't a BAD thing (pissed off mood, that is, not the movie theater BJ), because DAMN if Alanis didn't make a shitload off of that anger. But I guess for general home use, better not to delve into the MFY emails. In general.

Also, if Apple makes an argyle iPod sock, I am SO buying one. That is all.

October 28, 2004 at 9:46 PM  

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