Following up with fecal matter

Man. One thing I didn't not foresee about Putting It Out There is that it's kinda hard to follow up on. I 'spose the only thing to do in this sitchy-ation is to slowly divert attention from the fact that I am Leaking Baby* and move on to the more mundane topics of yore.

So! How about that episode of Lost last night, huh? Whoo! Was that a kick in the pants or WHAT?

I kid! Lost is still safely ensconsed in the TiVo cause BK got a bug up his ass last night and decided that he needed to watch The Iron Giant RIGHT NOW.

But seriously, thank you to everyone who emailed and/or called. It meant a lot to me. For real, 'do.

Since everything is now Out There, I'd like to share with the viewing public the following email I wrote to a young lady from whom I purchased some baby items on craigslist. See, my first experience with craigslist in Dallas was great -- I scored this doohicky, pretty much brand new with an extra base for $60, and I was all, "Craigslist is DA BOMB. The SAVINGS! The SATISFACTION of screwing the Americans! This one goes out to you, Stan!"

Then I bought some other items from a different person. I am now somewhat disenchanted, and I think my email will show you why:

Candice,

Thank you for driving halfway to meet my husband. That was very nice of you. I looked forward to him getting home with our new gear, but I have to confess that when he arrived I was very disappointed.

First of all, the child carrier is not a Baby Bjorn. It is an Infantino. I specifically asked if it was a Baby Bjorn and sent you a link to the amazon.com page. You replied:

"yes, Thats the right baby bjorn"

The Baby Bjorn retails for $89.99 and gets the highest safety and user ratings. The Infantino retails for $19.99 and gets much worse reviews. I did not wish to purchase an Infantino.

There is also the matter of you advertising the products as being in "mint" condition:

"everything is in excellent condition.. no rips or stains..."

This is simply untrue. Perhaps you did not look at the items in bright light, but all are stained. The bouncy chair's fabric seat has what appears to be a fecal matter stain on it. The play mat has a large, visible (urine?) stain on the underside. None of the items appears to have been cleaned at all.

Candice, I am sure you meant well and did not mislead me purposefully, but I feel that I've been had. I've bought and sold on eBay and craigslist for years, and "mint" means that something looks like it's brand new. These items do not look new, and one is simply not what was advertised.

I realize there is nothing I can do now, so mostly I'm writing to let you know that you will most certainly have more upset people on your hands if you continue to sell "mint" items that are in fact, not. If you chose to continue selling on craigslist, please consider being more accurate in your item descriptions.

On the bright side, everything laundered nicely. On the evil wench side, ol' Candy wrote me back, apologizing and asking for our address so she could return the $10 we paid for the "Baby Bjorn." Believe it or not, we haven't seen that $10 yet. I'd like to take this opportunity to publicly ask Craigslist Candice to please kiss my ass.

* We laugh, or else we cry, people.